Relationships 2.0: The New Role of the Web in Offline Relationships

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Today, almost three-quarters of U.S. adults on the internet use social media. Take a moment to let that sink in. In just over a decade, social networks have sprung from nonexistence to the point where 74 percent of American adults with an internet connection have a social media profile. If three-quarters seems low to you, remember that this statistic is for adults on the internet; it includes grandmothers who use the internet solely to check email, but not their high school grandchildren who constantly Instagram their selfies.

However, for something so prevalent in our society, there is surprisingly little conclusive research on how social media affects our offline relationships. Yes, there have been articles proclaiming the downfall of personal relationships because of social media, but there have also been studies arguing that social networking leads to greater amounts of personal interaction.

So which is it? Unfortunately, I don’t have the definitive answer, and I doubt we’ll get it anytime soon. What I can say, though, is that I disagree with the notion that social media is negatively affects our personal relationships and the way we interact with people offline. Instead, I view social media as a supplement: an online way to enhance our offline relationships.

A common argument against social media is that we “like” and “retweet” instead of picking up the phone and calling. Sure, social media helps us keep in contact with our friend or family member who is thousands of miles away. But what if they’re right around the corner? This is where social media seems to get a bad rap and is blamed for hurting relationships.

Let’s be clear: It’s up to each individual to decide whether or not they’ll make the effort to meet with someone in person, and then whether they’ll choose to engage or just spend time on their phone. But social networks don’t have to be the bad guy. Aside from facilitating contact prior to the meeting, social networks and the information hosted there provide an all-important touch point during a meeting, even a casual one.

When meeting a friend for a quick drink, for example, a good part of the conversation is dedicated to catching up: what’s new, where have you been, how are your friends, etc. Between Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social networks, though, you might have already seen the basics and want to get down to the specifics, like asking about a specific trip or how the new baby is doing. Because people populate their profiles with just such information, social media provides a bridge between online and offline and helps you find common ground faster.

After all, you don’t really remember the small talk after meeting someone: you remember the common ground you discovered, like shared interests, mutual friends and common experiences. Small talk — the weather, the basic catch up questions — was the bridge before social media. Now, social media can give you insight into that common ground before you even get to the meeting, saving the initial awkwardness of not knowing what to say and preparing you to make more meaningful and immediate connections.

The case for using social media as a supplement to real-life social situations extends from quick get-togethers to professional contexts. Finding shared interests and making meaningful connections are the reason that deals are signed on the golf course, not just the boardroom.

A scenario: A sales professional takes a potential client out for a round of golf. On the third hole, they find out they went to the same high school, hit it off, and by the eighteenth hole they’re negotiating a contract. It was always a stroke of luck when you discovered that common ground and were able to make that connection. These moments don’t have to be based on luck anymore. Their Facebook page can give you all the insights you need for a few good conversation starters — like discovering you’re both fans of the same football team.

All this being said, there’s still a chance that someone will choose to connect via Facebook Messenger instead of talking in person — and that’s OK. The popularity of social media is not an indication that the era of face-to-face contact is coming to an end. It simply provides another tool to get to know each other, and can even make that in-person meeting all the more meaningful.

Just remember to put down the phone once you get there.

Bhavin Shah is the CEO and co-founder of Refresh.

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